Sunday, 28 July 2019

Don’t Forget The Freddos Dad

by Tim Strugnell

 prosecco


Parking the car close to the store saves time
In a hurry tonight for those things I forgot on her Christmas list 
What’s this no A? A change of name?
Welcome to Sinsbury’s 
Ah broken light! No time to replace it I suppose 
Automatic doors, they’re new, not seen them before                                           
That’s progress for you
Don’t forget the Freddos dad

A big trolley with a squeaky wheel the last one left
The store full of men with looks of panic on their faces
Down the fruit and veg aisles first
Amazing combinations of vibrant colours                        
Oranges, lemons, strawberries, pomelos, persimmons                         
What? That needs googling 
Thought that was a building firm with an overpaid chief executive 
Strange shapes, butternut squash                                              
Romanesco broccoli
Stalks of Brussel Sprouts! Why Brussels? 
Originally grown in Belgium in the 13th century.
Always reminds me of the joke. 
What’s the difference between a sprout and a bogey?
I’ve never seen a child eat a sprout!
Don’t forget the Freddos dad

Nuts, nuts? More kinds than you can imagine.
An anaphylactic shock waiting to happen 
Marmalade’s next oh no, more decisions,
Smooth, thin cut, medium cut, thick cut, coarse cut, I wish I was half cut,
Don’t forget the Freddos dad 

Bakery department, wonderfully tempting smells 
Freshly baked bread, shapes, sizes, colours  
Tiger bread or giraffe bread?
Cakes, simple, ornate, stunning 
Millionaires shortbread, how much?
Cake decorations, sparkly, glittery
Multiple ingredients, choices to be made
Flour
Organic, white, whole grain,
Self-raising, perfect for the morning 
Spelt
Spelt f-l-o-u-r not f-l-o-w-e-r
Don’t forget the Freddos dad  

Flowers for every occasion 
Births, marriages ,deaths, festive greetings 
Saying sorry, I love you, I miss you, I want you, come back!
Plants for a longer lasting effect? Impact?
Always the poinsettia (also known as Christmas Star)  a commercially important plant species of the diverse spurge family. The species is indigenous to Mexico so they say, plenty over here though!
Cards for everyone, funny, serious, sad, (dis)tasteful
Magazines, for the woman who has everything                                           
For the child who wants to be a princess 
The superhero 
Dad mags, golf, football, music 
The festive Radio Times, full of repeats
Full of repeats!
Don’t forget the Freddos dad           

Shampoos, lids off, tempting odours 
What to choose?
  • For Dandruff: Tea tree, Lavender
  • For Hair Growth: Peppermint, Cedarwood
  • For Odor Removal: Rose Otto, Lemongrass 
  • For Oil Control: Peppermint, Cypress,
  • For Dry Hair: Cedarwood, Ylang ylang
  • For Scalp Acne: Tea tree, Lavender,
  • For Reducing Hair Fall: Rosemary, Frankincense
  • To Kill Lice: Tea tree, Citriodora,
No jojoba?
Too much choice! What about Simple?
Don’t forget the Freddos dad 

Shower gels oh no!! 
See shampoos above
Stick to the essentials range
The pharmacy
Headache tablets required, only 15 types to choose from
Move on quickly to the alcohol 
Go Sober For October no longer a problem 
Just ginger beer and soda water then
Now fill the trolley with Prosecco, real ale and a good rum
Bottled water, why?
Nothing wrong with tap and no plastic waste
Don’t forget the Freddos dad 

Venture now into the arctic aisles
More bracing than parts of the Arctic Circle
5.4C (41.7F) in the meat aisle of Sinsbury’s (Daily Mail)
The coldest of all supermarkets
No meat today, unappetising lumps of cold flesh
That’s just the Sinsbury shelf stackers
Turkey? They can stuff that this year, we’ll just have chicken breasts.
Dairy or non dairy counter
Milk, milk?
Cow, goat, pasteurised, organic, long life, almond, coconut, cashew, rice, oat, hemp, flax
Don’t forget the Freddos dad 

"Good evening, this is a customer information announcement. The time is 9:45 and the store will be closing in 15 minutes. Will all remaining customers please make their way to the checkout to finalise their purchases? Thank you, and thank you for shopping at Sinsbury’s and a happy Christmas to you all”
Don’t forget the Freddos dad 


No need to panic buy 
Crisps?
Multi coloured bags of potatoes fried in various ways
Hand cooked? How does that work? Must take ages.
Maybe forget Christmas lunch, start with prawn cocktail crisps for the starter, roast chicken, brussel sprout, smokey bacon, cheese and onion, plain and vegetable crisps, sorted, no cooking required!
Tea, hundreds to choose from
Organic decaf a safe bet
Fish, line caught salmon
What sort of line might that be?
Oops nearly forgot the mince pies, such a choice, 
Deep filled, all butter, iced, gluten free, cranberry and white chocolate, ecclefechan, what the heck are they?
And now the brandy butter
Don’t forget the Freddos dad 

At last to the till
Dig out the recycled Waitrose bags
A better class of non-recyclable plastic 
Rapid packing trying to beat the checkout assistant 
“Have you got a Nectar card sir?”
The points are handy, I bought my last lawn mower with those at Argos 
“Thank you sir, happy Christmas, see you later.”
Why do they say that?
Job adverts on the way out
Stock replenisher, checkout operator, same job new title, progress?


The security guard,”Goodnight sir, happy Christmas, see you later.”
Why? Is he coming home?
Taking his job too seriously 
Back to the car
Five bags of shopping 
It’s now dark                                                                       
Just the petrol station, the smell of diesel
Fill the car
Into the shop, a hot chocolate and a packet of gum
Pay the bill
“Thank you sir, happy Christmas, see you later.”
Not again, why?
A Sinsbury’s party at home maybe?

Back home, a successful mission accomplished.......................

Damn I’ve forgotten the bloody Freddos!!!

                                                                                             

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