by David Deanshaw
The young man was smitten.
She was all he could ever have wished for – elegant, charming, fabulous figure and of course – gorgeous.
He had scraped all his spare cash to buy an old Morris 8. It had leather upholstery, a long gear stick and a handbrake that formed a large “X” with the gear stick between the driver and passenger. Passion was therefore subject to a series of delicate manoeuvres.
After several failed attempts to overcome this obstacle, they decided to await a suitable time at her home. In order to save themselves they decided to wait for this event and not see each other until it arrived.
The first week went by – no contact – but the chance was taken by both to see other friends etc.
The second week came and went. Both were beginning to feel the need, but he worked out that the calendar was probably against him. She decided that was probably what he thought anyway!
By Thursday of the third week, both were nibbling the nails and getting scratchy.
He was just contemplating an early departure from the office when he phone rang:-
“Tonight – they have last minutes tickets for the opera – come over and BE PREPARED!”
He leapt out of his chair, asked a colleague for directions to the nearest florist. He bought an enormous bunch of flowers, saw the sweet shop – a big box of chocolates would be ideal. On the way he called at the chemist for supplies.
“ Three packs tonight, please!” he said with gusto. Then he hurried home for a shower.
He did the preparation in some style – shampoo, after-shave, under-arm pong, - the full works.
He arrived on the door step to be met by the light of his life, who said “ Come in. They are just about to leave. Let me introduce you.”
“Good evening sir, good evening madam. I understand you are going to the opera tonight. I have never been. How does one get tickets?”
“We have a box, young man, would you like to join us?”
As they were getting into the car, she kicked him hard!
They took their places and scoffed the chocolates as part of the evening. When they arrived home the young man said to her father,
“ Well sir, I really have enjoyed my evening. It has been an education. I will just say good night to your daughter at the door. Once again thanks very much.”
When he got to the door, the girl by this time scratchy with frustration that a golden opportunity had been missed, grabbed him and demanded:-
“You never told me you liked opera!”
“No and you never told me your father was a chemist!”